Habits and Patterns

I noticed I do this thing.

I have this urge to create, and then, in order to fulfill the urge, I must buy a new sketchbook. Or new pens. New paints. Something has to change. This change will then be the trigger that will cause me to draw all the time, to finish a painting, tile the kitchen, write a blog post, whatever. I do this, and have done this, for as long as I can remember.

Yesterday I had a strong urge to write blog content. I want to blog more. I want to create website content for my website(s). BUT! In order to do that I need a whole new website! Before I could create, I need a new domain (ahem, roymisc.com). Now I am not encumbered by the weight and legacy of my existing website (cough roylindauer.com cough). I am free to, create! But what about the last time I did that? My current site was the result of this same cycle. I got it just right, so I could create content… Oh no.

Each time it is the same. This is the turning point. This action will be the change I need to fulfill my destiny and take my place as a content creator/artist/photographer/whatever. And every time I don’t create with this new sketchbook, or new site, or new pens, they become a burden and reminder of me failing. It’s mad. I can recognize the behavior now.

One very positive thing I have noticed in this, is that the urge to create is powerful. It exists! There are, however, some hangups and obstacles in my way (or perceived to be in my way) that must be dealt with. Now I guess I need to figure out what those obstacles are, and then how to deal with them.